I love facebook. I don't like the games like Farmville or Skankville, or any of those other time-consuming ways to drive other people crazy. Sending flowers or hearts...not my thing. I just like the connection with people who feel the same way about things I do, and even the connection with people who don't. It has been so wonderful to find people I knew waaaay back when, at a time when I didn't know how to pick friends or people I liked or disliked. Now it's nice that we've all grown up and can still reminisce from totally different perspectives.
Okay - here's what stresses me out though, and truly it's all on me. I am too insecure or something, I guess. Say I make a comment to something someone wrote. Then I get really frustrated when someone doesn't acknowledge MY comment. Maybe I'm not insecure, maybe I'm really a selfish attention whore. I'll give you a specific example. I noticed under my cousin's thread (jargon for the beginning of a "discussion") people were congratulating her for losing some weight and she mentioned that she stopped drinking diet coke. So I added that I am inspired by her, and that I had read all sorts of bad stuff about aspartame, blah blah blah. Anyway, I guess I thought that people should respond to my very informative addition to the thread, and when people continued to add comments I was sure there would be thanks involved. But no, they just kept congratulating her as if they hadn't even READ my comment! And maybe they hadn't, but in any case I followed along to see where the topic of discussion would go, and my cousin responded to somebody who came after me about the negative stuff she had read about aspartame...with NO mention of what I had said and NO thanks whatsoever. I need therapy to figure out why this grates on me so badly. I mean, it's not a personal affront to me. I tell myself it really has nothing to do with me, so what's eating at me? Do I have a desperate need to be needed maybe? Do I need constant stroking of my ego? Do I need to hear someone affirm my thoughts and feelings constantly?
Ugh. No matter what, this needs to stop. My sister says I need to make everything be about me, and even though she usually says it with a nasty edge to her voice which sounds a bit bitter and, dare I say, hateful, I guess she's on to something. The good news is she doesn't read my blog, so she'll never know I admitted that she may be right. I still have my motto to always fall back on..."at least I'm not driving around with bodies in my trunk." Thanks to Todd Snider for those lyrics. It truly put life into perspective.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Monday, May 9, 2011
Yucky Monday
I do try to face every day with a positive attitude. I take it as it comes, generally, even though I get juiced about things - it mostly stays in my head I guess. Sometimes I take it out on Twitter and Facebook. But today I had to admit I was off to a rough start to my day and, since it's Monday, I hope it can only get better from this for the week.
My mom is home today, sick. Gross coughing and just generally looking and feeling pretty crappy. I feel bad for her. My sister is home today as her day off for having to work on Saturday. Okay. I am off today as well. My job requires me to work weekends, so I usually get two days off through the week. This week it's Monday and Tuesday. So we're all home. Enter the gnawing sense of an impending non-relaxed day. I enjoy the days when I get to come home and have a little quiet time which makes me feel I am back in my own place. Just me, myself and I. And the cats. Peace. Quiet. No need to talk about anything for a few hours until everybody else starts getting home. Ahh. I love those days. No biggie. One day isn't going to kill me. At 1:15, while sitting at Bread Company reading and having a bagel, I realize I've missed a phone call from my sister who says, "Hi, it's us." Then something about did I want something from McDonald's and what did I want for dinner? Ugh.
Back up to yesterday. My mom had pulled her car in the driveway behind my sister's car, and my sister planned to get an oil change, etc, so she needed Mom to move her car. I found this out while getting ready to go to my part-time job this morning and immediately went into my mom's room to tell her I would move her car so she wouldn't have to. Nice, right? The response? "Well NOW you think of that." So she had already gotten dressed, but what the hell? I said, "I just found out the plan!" Hmmph. I get her keys and go out with my sister. I back out, then she backs out and I pull back into the driveway so she can pull her car in behind. I pulled up almost under the carport and stopped and turned the car off. I looked in the rear view and my sister had this really nasty ass look on her face, threw her hands up in the air and then waved them as if waving me forward. I could read her mouth - "Keep going!" or at least something to that effect. So I turned the car back on and pulled up another, what, foot? Oy. Come on.
I wish things got better from there. I get to work and the scanner is down. I should explain that my job is scanning. And I have a bit of an attitude towards one of my many Republican co-workers because she seems to have that air of superiority that I often pick up on, but also often overreact to. Trying to avoid spiraling into the abyss of poopy moods, I went to find something else to do away from my desk. I still had to leave an hour early and hence lost an hour of pay. Yes, I'm whining, but since my job is apparently on its way out (being phased out by a computer software), I am justified.
I am not sure where this is going, other than my rambling whining, but there's an underlying theme here. It may sound a bit self-centered, but here it is: No matter how optimistic I feel when I get up out of bed in the morning, people are mean. To me. For no reason.
Of course this evening I had to feel sorry for my mom. My sister was very irritated with my mom's coughing and said to her, "Well I had a nice day off having to listen to you cough all day." My mom responded, "Well it hasn't been fun for me either." To which my sister replied, "Well you're the one who's sick." And I could feel my blood pressure rising, along with some type of gastric irritation coming to life in my gut.
My optimism must win out. Tuesday. Must. Be. Better...
My mom is home today, sick. Gross coughing and just generally looking and feeling pretty crappy. I feel bad for her. My sister is home today as her day off for having to work on Saturday. Okay. I am off today as well. My job requires me to work weekends, so I usually get two days off through the week. This week it's Monday and Tuesday. So we're all home. Enter the gnawing sense of an impending non-relaxed day. I enjoy the days when I get to come home and have a little quiet time which makes me feel I am back in my own place. Just me, myself and I. And the cats. Peace. Quiet. No need to talk about anything for a few hours until everybody else starts getting home. Ahh. I love those days. No biggie. One day isn't going to kill me. At 1:15, while sitting at Bread Company reading and having a bagel, I realize I've missed a phone call from my sister who says, "Hi, it's us." Then something about did I want something from McDonald's and what did I want for dinner? Ugh.
Back up to yesterday. My mom had pulled her car in the driveway behind my sister's car, and my sister planned to get an oil change, etc, so she needed Mom to move her car. I found this out while getting ready to go to my part-time job this morning and immediately went into my mom's room to tell her I would move her car so she wouldn't have to. Nice, right? The response? "Well NOW you think of that." So she had already gotten dressed, but what the hell? I said, "I just found out the plan!" Hmmph. I get her keys and go out with my sister. I back out, then she backs out and I pull back into the driveway so she can pull her car in behind. I pulled up almost under the carport and stopped and turned the car off. I looked in the rear view and my sister had this really nasty ass look on her face, threw her hands up in the air and then waved them as if waving me forward. I could read her mouth - "Keep going!" or at least something to that effect. So I turned the car back on and pulled up another, what, foot? Oy. Come on.
I wish things got better from there. I get to work and the scanner is down. I should explain that my job is scanning. And I have a bit of an attitude towards one of my many Republican co-workers because she seems to have that air of superiority that I often pick up on, but also often overreact to. Trying to avoid spiraling into the abyss of poopy moods, I went to find something else to do away from my desk. I still had to leave an hour early and hence lost an hour of pay. Yes, I'm whining, but since my job is apparently on its way out (being phased out by a computer software), I am justified.
I am not sure where this is going, other than my rambling whining, but there's an underlying theme here. It may sound a bit self-centered, but here it is: No matter how optimistic I feel when I get up out of bed in the morning, people are mean. To me. For no reason.
Of course this evening I had to feel sorry for my mom. My sister was very irritated with my mom's coughing and said to her, "Well I had a nice day off having to listen to you cough all day." My mom responded, "Well it hasn't been fun for me either." To which my sister replied, "Well you're the one who's sick." And I could feel my blood pressure rising, along with some type of gastric irritation coming to life in my gut.
My optimism must win out. Tuesday. Must. Be. Better...
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